If you aren’t interested in me blabbering randomness, here’s my post dedicated to my dad from last year:
So many thoughts all jumbled. A full year has passed since I lost my father. I play back those 2 hours last year when everything happened and as much as I prayed to God to wait and not to let it happen, God still went on with his plan. They say time will heal, but they are wrong. The pain never goes away. This past year has been an emotional rollercoaster as I have been trying to figure out the best way to deal with the whole picture.
Loss is the scariest, most surreal experience in life and really changes everything. Not everyone gets it, as I have learned through out this year. You would think people would be more compassionate and they are. Lots of love. But surprisingly not everyone. Some people use a traumatic experience to turn against you.
I’ve teared up at the most random moments, I’ve felt as if someone was watching me as I sit at the table and I’ve even felt like situations have happened uncontrollably that I have held control of in the past. People have been taken from my life and others from the past have been brought back. Random odd things have happened that seem unexplainable….so I know he’s here. Like look. Every time I do something on my phone that requires me to enter in my email, my predictive text predicts dad’s email first. Which I obviously have not used in a year. I read somewhere spirits can get into electronics. Not to freak you out or make me sound crazy but I remember the first couple days after it happened last year, one night my phone freaked out out of nowhere and the lights were switching all weird. Dad’s totally bugged my phone lol.
The first 3.5 or so months of the year I needed to sleep with the light on and felt weird if I was home alone at night. Over the summer I went through a phase where I thought life is too short, I’m tired of being upset I am gonna be out and about to keep my mind off things. Once fall hit and I couldn’t believe how much time has gone by so quickly it brought me down again.
Unfortunately loss is a part of life. Unfortunately 2016 was a year it just seemed like we lost so many more than usual. Unfortunately we have to deal with it. I hope my dad stays with me forever and I always feel him next to me guiding me.
This birthday was a tough. Along with their phone calls, my dad would always send a short but sweet email, bc desi people aren’t good with being emo unless it’s written lol. This year there was no email. This year it was just mom on the phone instead of both of them together on the phone with me as they always did.
I am fully aware this whole extremely long blurb makes no sense. And its extremely long. I got my chatty chatty mouth from dad though and I’ll hold on to that forever. *random memory* I remember one time dad called and it reached my voicemail. He left me the funniest (but to him very serious) message about how I didn’t say our last name clear enough. How I need to say our last name clear and proudly and should be proud to be a Bahri! 😊😘 Thanks to that message I will never change my last name for anyone. And yes, I re-recorded my voicemail!
I read though my post I wrote on his birthday last year (which is in 5 days). Link is below..God bless.
– Karen Bahri